Getting real about body weight, goals and being a Disney Princess at heart

“A dream is a wish your heart makes, when it’s fast asleep. … Have faith in your dreams and some day your rainbow will come smiling through.”

The Disney princess in me wants to believe in rainbows. The realist (and adult) in me understands that dreams are nothing without sweat equity.

What goes into achieving a goal? Most recently, my goals have been athletic, performance-based goals. To achieve anything physically it takes blood, sweat, tears, trial, error, highs, lows – you name it, it all falls under hard work. And lots of it.

But what happens when you work as hard as you can, and control as much as you can, but you’re not necessarily achieving your goals?

“Am I on the right path,” you wonder.

“Could I have worked harder, or differently, or more efficiently,” you ask.

“What am I doing wrong?” You question yourself.

Anyone you respect and view as a “great” person is lying if they tell you they’ve never doubted themselves. What makes that person great, though, is that they cast this doubt aside. Great athletes don’t listen to their self doubt or what others say. They believe in their rainbows and know that they’ve put in the work in order to see their dreams to fruition. They trust the process and understand that physical achievements happen just as much in the mind (#mindgym) as they do in the body.

“What the mind believes, the body can achieve.”

If you put in the work and believe in yourself, you can do anything. That’s what my mom always told me, too.

I’ve spent the past 10 months achieving nothing. At least that’s what one indicator tells me.

Yet I’ve grown more this past year than I have during most of my other 27 years combined. (Yes, I’m 28. You passed math!)

So what happens to my goals, especially goals that have a deadline? For example, what happens if/when I don’t make weight for an upcoming weightlifting meet?

Let me elaborate.

I lift weights. I participate in Olympic weightlifting, which is comprised of two lifts: the snatch and clean and jerk.

I’m passionately in love with weightlifting. I have competed in three local meets to date, and I now want to take it to the next level and compete nationally. For me, my next step is to qualify for and lift at the USAW American Open.

The deadline to qualify for the AO is this October. To qualify, a lifter has to first make weight in his/her desire weight class, and then lift the qualifying total (or more) in order to register for the meet.

I want to lift as a 69 kilo lifter (about 152 pounds). Right now, I weigh about 163 pounds, or about 74 kilos. The next weight class up is 75 kilos. The qualifying total for the heavier weight class it not within my reach now – but I’ve lifted the total for a 69 kilo lifter.

Since competing in an NPC figure competition last fall (November 2014), I have been on a journey, and I always will be when it comes to fitness, nutrition and health.

To be as brief as possible… After my figure show, I gained back most, if not all, of the weight I had lost during an eight-month prep.

I didn’t gain it back overnight or in a month; it was a gradual process. But that’s because I had “secretly” started counting my macros toward the end of my prep (while on a strict meal plan), calculated new macros for myself once my show was over, and started working out the way I wanted to again (I stopped cardio and bodybuilding splits).

Before my figure prep, I weighed about 166 pounds. For my first two weightlifting meets last spring and fall 2014, I lifted as a 69 kilo lifter. This past summer, I lifted twice as a 75 kilo lifter, both times under weight by a good 3 kilos or more.

I have been trying to lose scale weight (and body fat) for the better part of the past year, and according to one indicator (said scale), I haven’t made any progress in that department.

Do I get down on myself because I’ve set a lot of goals that I haven’t achieved for myself? No. With age has come some wisdom I didn’t understand a decade ago.

Since last year, both my lifts have gone up at least 10 kilos each. My technique has greatly improved. I’ve gained invaluable platform experience. And I continue to love and learn from my sport.

I’m three weeks out from my next meek, and I want so badly to qualify for the American Open. There, I said it on the Internet. You can remind me of my goal if you see me headfirst in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

But you won’t, because my goals are greater than my temporary wants.

I’ve gone through life the past year doubting my goal setting. “Simply because I can set goals doesn’t mean I should, because not all goals are mine to achieve at this time,” I would say to myself. I tend to be an overachiever.

This goal is something within my grasp. I can feel it. I taste it every time I touch the barbell. I will achieve it. I will stop at nothing within my control to do so.

And I will not resort to “any means necessary.”

Ah, that’s something new. I will say it again: I won’t be a miserable person again in order to achieve a goal. I was pretty miserable while “dieting” and prepping for a figure show. “It’s part of the process, everyone goes through it,” they say.

Well, I am not everyone. I will never go through that again.

I’m determined to figure out a way to make this happen. I have control. I’m riding my own rainbow through the storm, and I hope to pop out on the other side of the clouds among Skittles and gold and all that jazz.

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